Bereavement is one of the most harrowing experience that we will all encounter at some time in our lives.
It can leave us feeling cut off from the rest of the world and if we are immobile, elderly, have children to care for or have financial difficulties, can leave us with health problems such as depression, insomnia, aches and pains, eating disorders and anxiety.
When loneliness creeps in we may then just sit and as the days go by lose interest and the courage to do the simple every day tasks, as in just going to the shops in fear of bumping into people we know and having to put on a brave face, when our world is collapsing around us.
If we are invited to go to a gathering or party, we may feel that we are not really wanted and feel awkward in the fact that we have been asked just because they feel they should.
Being out and seeing couples together doesn’t help as we have lost and they are happy and as we don’t feel happy we find It hard to see others happy.
Many will seek help through their GP hoping that the doctor has a cure and can help them get through this terrible time. Unfortunately all the doctor can do is listen to how bad and how well the patient is coping, if the GP decides that they need more help to get over the depression and sleepless nights they may well prescribe tranquillisers and anti-depressant prescriptions. Although the drugs do help in that they give the patient the sleep and strength to get through the days, long term the patient can become addicted to the them. This can leave the patient with more problems later, as they have not moved on in their lives and the drugs are not delivering the same relief as they first did.
Most people only take the drugs short term, but many feel that they cannot cope without them.
The death of a loved one, or in some cases a pet, can take weeks, months and even years to come to terms with and people experience its effects in so many different ways. Some will have guilty feelings that they didn’t do enough or support their loved ones enough. Others may be feeling bad because they have no feelings of loss. Or there may be some unfinished words we wanted to say to the deceased who may have been cruel or unfair to us and which has left us feeling angry.
Everyone behaves differently to the other, depending on the circumstances relating to the death. But for what ever reason and for what purpose everyone of us needs to move on with an understanding of what has happened and in acceptance of our loss to be able to find closure and move forward with our new lives.
We sometimes feel after the funeral that everyone’s been good to us and therefore we must now just get on with it, keeping all our fears inside. After all we don’t want to get on other’s nerves by going on and on. This is when things can get quite bad for us as we are not coping well at all.
But if we were able to be ourselves and talk to someone who will not judge us and shows empathy and in knowing that this someone will respect our privacy and confidentialityin knowing that they would never repeat our insecurities to anyone in a safe private place where we may talk, shout or cry ourselves better. Wouldn’t we do that?
A counsellor’s rôle is to do just this. To be there for that person who is going through a terrible time and who has no one they can turn to for support. The counsellor is not there to judge the client or to tell them what they must or not do. Their job is to listen and to help the client to overcome their issues by letting the client, in their own time, let out their true feelings and fears and in doing so support and help them to accept and understand their feeling so that they may live a life of confidence and understanding of themselves.
The counsellor will not divulge any information to any other person or persons unless the client asks that they do so. There fore the relationship between client and counsellor is completely confidential and in knowing this the relationship should be a secure and relaxed in an environment that is private . to give the client time to express their worries and concerns.
If you can relate to any of the things that I have mentioned here in this article and feel that you would like me to help you in coping with your loss, or may be you have another reason for seeking out counselling help then please don’t be put off thinking that counselling wont help you, as it is very rare that the client does not take at least something in the way of help from counselling sessions.
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